Big Girl hunting…

According to my friend Krullenbol, Big Girl is a liar. In reality, Big Girl has no boyfriend at all. It’s just a game; nothing more, nothing less. I don’t know… Krullenbol is an alpha woman, so she should know. But for me, it’s kinda confusing.

You be the judge.

I tried not to call her. And, I even deleted her number. But it didn’t work!
It’s so weird ever since I’m back home. It’s gonna take ages until things get to normal.
Or maybe I should just leave before it all gets even more complicated. Maybe I should go back and marry some hot chick from Jakarta or Santiago?? Yeah, Latina’s… hotty!

3 days later Big Girl calls me, yes… *again*.

She’s a predator, so it’s not that easy to stop her.

Her: Hi…it’s me.
Me: Me who?
Her: Whaha, don’t you recognize my voice?
Me: NO… I don’t
Her: Don’t you have my phone number then?
Me: NO. I threw it away. You’re fired!
Her: And that easy to remember number then… my home phone number?
Me: NO. I threw that one away too. You’re history. What do you want?
Her: Oh amm… nothing. Just wanted to hear your voice, wondering how ya’ doing!
Me: I’m fine thank you. How’s it going with you and your new boyfriend?
Her: I have no boyfriend.
Me: In your last e-mail you said you do have one!
Her: Oh… I did it only once, with my neighbor.
Me: Hmmm… it’s not that smart, is it?! He probably now stands every night in front of your door?!
Her: True, it wasn’t smart. Last night after returning from a pub, he stood in front of my door… he was yelling my name.
Me: Oh well, at least SOMEBODY is yelling your name, that’s promising… or he simply had a d*ck boner. So, did you open the door?
Her: Nooo… I was in my bed already. But the guy is really stupid. He should’ve known better, right?!
Me: Well yeah, some guys are stupid. Can’t deny that. And what about that 47 years old guy? You said he’s sweet and he listens!
Her: Oh, that one… ammm… I saw him 3 only times. Just dating, nothing spicy. He’s not my boyfriend either.
Me: But he listens.
Her: Yes. He’s got it all.
Me: Nice. But he is NOT ME, right?!
Her: I cannot come.
Me: Why not?
Her: I’m tired. I better go to sleep.
Me: Then why the f*ck did you call?! It’s 7 pm… You should be in your bed already.
Her: I know, I know.

10 minutes later, I call her back…

Her: So you still have my number… *hahaha*
Me: Yeah, I found it somewhere… you’re lucky… for now.
Her: I’m not coming.
Me: Jesus… how often do I have to hear it now!?
Her: I’m tired and had few Bacardi cola’s already.
Me: I see. Sleep tight… b*tch!

After a while, I send her a text:

Tired? What a bullsh*t. I have no time for this sh*t. I am going to a pub. Greetings.

No response. F*ck!

Then we do it the hard way…
2 minutes later, I send another text message:

Or does your v*gina stink that badly, so you don't even dare to see me after 5 months?

And, my phone goes red… Ring ring ring ring ring…
My display blinks: an unknown number.

It must be her.

Her: yada yada yada yada &*!$$*+!$*% It’s your own fault… !??/*!@!!! yada *#$!!@/* yada yada yada…!??/*!@!!! How many women did you f*ck during your travel? !??/*!@!!! Motherf… yadayada yada* You broke it by e-mail yada yada yada $$!??/*!@!!! Remember?! yada yada yada I was waiting for you yada yada yada You were away too fu*kin’ long yadayada yada !??/*!@!!! yada yada yada yada…!??/*!@!!! I’m no longer your woman!??/*!@!!! yada yada yada no faith motherf…

Me: Ah, I finally have your attention. Nice… But listen, my prepaid is empty, can’t talk to you right now… gonna hung up. Poing!! Tuut tuut tuuuut.

An hour later.

I am sitting by the bar sipping my chilled beer. Galina rolls with her eyes: “You can’t write something like that to a girl.” She gives that look once more, “Honestly, you can’t!”

Me: Well, guess what, I can. I just did. But don’t worry, she won’t come tonight, she’ll have to cool off first. Means further, no fireworks tonight… so you’re stuck with me for now. You could buy me a drink though. How about that?”

—

5 AM
My phone rings once more… but, I am too fast asleep to care…

11 AM.
I call her back.

Me: Hey, what’s all the fuss about calling at 5 AM this morning?
Her: Ha ha ha… I’m at my work now.
Me: Fine. So, you still have a job?
Her: Yes.
Me: Nice. I thought you were fired. So, some day I maybe see my money coming back.
Her: No, not fired as yet, not so fast. And my lawyer is on stand by. Yeah, your money… someday. Whaha… you called me a wh0re remember?!
Me: No, I did not call you a wh0re. I said you’re far more expensive then a wh0re!
Her: True, but I’m also the best! And you know it. Look, I’m at my work now… shall I call you back during my break?
Me: No… I prefer you come here during your break. No more calls.
Her: I can’t come.
Me: Then you just f*ck off.

“Alex, you can’t talk like that to a girl.”

Well, too bad then.
I’m gonna hunt her down… all the way down to a rabbit hole.

Alex takes another arrow while bending his bow.
Oh, wait… shhhiiiiitttttttttt! She’s the hunter now! She was holding a knife… Twice. ;-)

It’s gonna be fun.
I ring her 15 minutes later.

Me: What time do you have a break?
Her: I’m in Santpoort now. Will finish within 15 minutes.
Me: So, you’ll be here within half hour or so.
Her: Yes, but it’s only “platonic”.
Me: Platonic, huh? How exciting :D, I like it when it’s platonic. See you for lunch then.
Her: Yes, I’ll be there in a minute…